First, I just want to express my deep affection for elephants. Back in the day, in the summers during college to be precise, I had a job doing food service at the zoo back home in Portland (popcorn, snow cones, hot dogs, ice cream, etc), which just happens to have the largest herd of Asian elephants in captivity. We would occasionally get to go behind the scenes of the animal exhibits and twice I went to the elephant house. Once, we were there on a tour and they had one of the bulls in an enormous squeeze cage. He saw us, starting swinging his trunk at us, and sprayed us with his snot. Another time, we got to see a new baby that had been born overnight: he was surprisingly hairy. I spent one summer by the elephant house at a cart that sold "elephant ears," big slabs of deep fat fried dough topped with butter and either cinnamon sugar or raspberry jam (or both, on either half, we would fold that in half and eat it as a sandwich for lunch). ...